At Home with Humility

Few things are as satisfying as experiencing self-improvement. Whether it be weight-loss, mastering a new skill or breaking a bad habit, our level of self-esteem will rise significantly when we see tangible results of a commitment to improving ourselves. Every single improvement in our character can have a profound effect on ourselves and the people around us, and be the determining factor in how we experience life.

Last week, I had a Shabbat complete with lots of guests, lots of serving, tons of dishes and rambunctious grandchildren. The pouring rain, while a blessing, was not making anything easier as dripping coats and hats hung everywhere and the grand-kids got even wilder, being cooped up in the house.

More guests showed up unexpectedly, which is when I realized I had forgotten to return the chicken soup to the hot plate after serving it Friday night. No hot soup for Shabbos lunch!

Two of my older kids got into a religious/political argument and being as they are more Israeli than American, their voices rapidly escalated, which added to a noise level that was already making it difficult to converse. I felt like escaping to my bedroom with a good book.

Yet through it all, I remained serene. Years ago, when I was still trying to have the “perfect” Shabbat, I would have felt guilty about the soup, tried to control the grandchildren, yelled at my kids to shut-up and have gone off my diet, eating and drinking to numb out the chaos and my inability to fix it.

Instead I whispered to Hashem to help me accept the situation and have emuna that it was all for the good. I prayed to stay calm and patient and to my joy, I succeeded.

In a little while everyone was happily sitting and eating, the grand-kids had settled down with cards and my arguing kids apologized to each other. Despite no soup, everyone had plenty to eat and enjoyed it all. We sang Shabbat songs, discussed the Torah portion, played chess and spent a lovely afternoon together. The rain let up and the kids went out to the playground.

When Shabbat was over, I sat down in relief that everyone was gone, that the house was quiet and that most of all, I had kept my cool.

After so many years of working hard on my emuna, I really believe that everything is from Hashem, everything is for the good and that God will help me stay calm and positive if I really want to.

I didn't have to look back at Shabbat and regret my behavior or call someone afterwards to work out any hard feelings. I didn't feel victimized or resentful, just exhausted from hosting a lot of people on a stormy day.

“Bilvavi Mishkan Evneh” – “In my heart I will build a sanctuary.”

Thanks to my emuna and the help of Hashem, I was able to keep that storm outside of me and not let it enter the sanctuary in my heart.