Getting Unstuck

If you break anything down – a car, a teddy bear, a gold ring – into its smallest parts, atoms, and you split the nucleus of those atoms, energy is released.

A similar thing happens when a person talks about whatever is blocking the growth of his real self-confidence and aliveness. By speaking out his true feelings a person splits up and removes the “matter” that has been covering and stopping the expression of his real self.  As the person continues to talk about the issues of fear and sadness that surround his soul’s aliveness the energy and power of his soul is released and he feels freer to move forward with his life. 

To free your soul you need to know how to spot the specific obstacles (the “matter”) that are blocking your energy for growth and the actualization of your amazing potential. Secondly, you’ll need to know what to do when you find the obstacles; the attitude you should take towards them; and how you can remove them.

Whenever you feel stopped by a feeling, a memory, a thought or a bodily reaction it means you’re getting blocked. Not being able to fall asleep, suddenly feeling listless, distracted, fatigued, irritated, indecisive, and apprehensive – are indications that on some level, you’re stuck. Passing over or ignoring times when we’re stuck is like refusing to answer the phone when G-d is calling – either we are too busy, too tired or don’t have the interest to answer Him.

Of course it takes the beginner some time to become sensitized to the less obvious signs of being stuck e.g. listlessness, fatigued, apprehension, forgetful etc. – but anyone who cares about his growth will notice the obvious and urgent problems he is facing: marital strife, depression, panic attacks, work-related problems, over-dependency on others, the need to control others, explosive episodes of rage, the need to remain aloof.

In order to break though the obstacles that keep us from moving forward in our lives, we need a method for doing this. Our method for unraveling the blockages to growth is the same as our method for dealing with the problems themselves. We put ourselves into a quiet state of mind and say or write down whatever comes to mind even if we think it is unimportant or even nonsensical. Free speech for the purpose of growth is our main tool for understanding Hashem’s messages to us and to release the forces for growth that are within us. 

A young man is frequently late to his appointments, doesn’t like following “rules”, starts things but rarely finishes them. He doesn’t like feeling obligated to anything or to anyone; he knows it doesn’t make sense, but he feels that he’s above having to be confined by rules, and time and other types of boundaries. His greatest desire is to feel free from people and from obligations.

On one occasion, he was sitting at his desk at work feeling quite paralyzed. He knew he was stuck and couldn’t work so he stopped trying. Instead, he made himself comfortable, took out a sheet of paper and recorded the following:

Part 1, Spontaneous self-expression 

“I don’t want to be bound by time…the rules shouldn’t apply to me…I’m entitled to an easier life…why should I work so hard?…I’m really above this pedestrian labor…I feel depressed…I hate myself…I can’t stick to anything…I’m just going to die someday anyway…why strain myself…for what?…Where’s G-d anyway?…I feel paralyzed…it’s like when I was getting beaten (as a child by his father)…I couldn’t move…maybe I was bound (maybe father tied him up)…there was no way for me to fight back…

Part 2, Spontaneous self-understanding 

“Now I want to fight back…now I want to resist feeling tied up by time and by rules…my father is no match for me today…he can’t hurt me today…but I think I’m fighting my father by refusing to do my work…I’m trying to feel stronger than my father by being stubborn and refusing to give in and conform like everybody else…I think I’m trying to feel like the persecutor and not the victim by being late and forcing others to cater to me…finally I’m calling the shots…”

Part 3, Personal Prayer 

“Hashem please have mercy on me. I need my job…I can’t afford to sit idle at my desk…I need a better way of feeling like a man…please Hashem, heal my childhood wounds and help me to fit in at work…to be a team player…to be more productive…to have more self-confidence…to be freed from my need to avenge my father…I understand that this is what’s really binding me…Please Hashem, I don’t want to act in self-destructive ways anymore…please uproot all traces of arrogance from my heart and help me to be happy with who I am…Hashem, please show me that I don’t have to feel like a victim anymore and I don’t have to be inconsiderate of other people.”

He performed this entire procedure at his workplace. It took approximately 10-15 minutes. He knows that he needs to do much more work on this problem but this short procedure was enough to unblock him and get him back to work. When he makes his next journal entry he will review this record and look for thematic connections between this event and his current state.

Remember to never blame yourself for obstacles and your problems. While we don’t give approval or indulgence to our problems, the proper attitude is to respect them as messages from G-d which carry within them G-d’s positive intention for us. If you  remember that Hashem is hidden in the obstacles, you begin to see your obstacles as opportunities to get closer to Hashem and to move forward with your life with greater freedom and joy.