Knock Knock… I’m Here!
We think that we know whats best for us, with opinions about absolutely everything. The Evil Inclination tries to convince us that we are in control, that we have power…
Have you ever met someone who is a know-it-all? You know, the kind who seems to have a pat answer to everything, has simple solutions to all the world’s problems and knows how to fix every one of your problems in an instant to boot. The amazing thing about these arrogant people is that usually this kind of behavior stems from an intrinsic lack of trust in oneself. People who don’t feel their innate worth are often driven to try and prove it day in and day out in order to make themselves feel like they really do have something to offer to the world (answers!).
The biggest problem with these types is that they don’t know that they don’t know. They have just enough information to be dangerous, but not enough to realize just how little they know. It is the true expert who recognizes just how limited his or her knowledge is and has a clear picture of exactly what they know – and what they don’t.
The reality is that we are like this more often than we realize. We think that we know what is best for us. We have opinions about the world, about politics and religion, our communities – absolutely everything. The Evil Inclination tries to convince us that we are in control, that we have power, that we can effect change in the world and get what we want. And of course, we always want – we are unhappy in our job and think x other position would be better, or are looking to move and think y community would be perfect. Or we want a new car, a new Rolex, a new spouse.
We don’t realize that we are essentially blind, deaf and dumb compared to Hashem. We think we know the “facts” – what could we possibly know? Do we see what is in other people’s hearts like Hashem does? Do we clearly know everything about everyone that might be involved in the situation, with no assumptions whatsoever? Our minds can’t begin to compute the vast amount on knowledge Hashem has, and how much we are lacking. If we put on one side of a scale all of our knowledge and facts and compare it to everything Hashem knows, even just about that particular decision, our information wouldn’t even register!
At best, we have tunnel vision. Hashem shows us the information He wants us to know in order to lead us in a particular direction. Of course, we still have choices about what to do with that information. The important thing to remember is that no matter how much we know, we must ask Hashem for help and direction. Ultimately, Hashem gives us information and a brain that we are supposed to use in order to analyze it and make the best decision possible. But He also wants us to ask for His help and recognize that we are so tremendously limited in our abilities by definition.
The problem is – how often do we actually remember to include Hashem in the decision process and ask Him to give us the information we need to make the decision that is best for us and in accordance with His will? I know at least for me, it is difficult to have the humility to fully admit just how helpless I am without Hashem’s mercy. And sometimes I forget to include Hashem, and I make mistakes. I make decisions I am so sure of, and then I look back later and think, “How could I have thought that? Done that? Not seen that?” etc. etc.
Lately, Hashem has showed me with absolute crystal clarity just how little I know and how little power I have to get what I wanted even if I knew what that really should be. I feel like I’m in a dark room, fumbling through this world in the darkness, groping for something to hold onto. I’m crying out to Hashem to turn the light on – anything, please show me what to do and then give me the means to achieve it. I’m pounding on the door incessantly, and a little voice in the back of my head wonders, Is Hashem really listening? Is there anyone on the other side of the door???
Then last night I realized – Hashem specifically sent me this situation to teach me that He really is there! Since I previously thought that I knew what I was doing but really I was making gigantic mistakes, Hashem in His mercy is sending me a particular set of circumstances designed to remind me that I need to ask Him for assistance with future decisions. In this way, I learn how to humbly recognize my own limitations and call out to Hashem for help, and do teshuva for previously acting arrogantly and getting myself into this situation in the first place. Two birds with one stone! What a chesed from Hashem!
So here I am, banging on the door and screaming at the top of my lungs for help. With a little spiritual awareness (thank you Rabbi Brody and Rabbi Arush!), I now realize that the whole time Hashem was on the other side, knocking back and saying – “I’m here! The entire point was for you to realize that I am indeed, right here, waiting for you to ask Me for help!”
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