Letting Go

Hashem’s guidance and miracles are always around us.
 
If this is the case then why do we so often fail to see the events that show Hashem’s guidance? Are we so caught up in our wants and desires, our ways, with ourselves in control, that we don’t see Hashem’s loving hands guiding and directing our lives?  But He is directing not only our own lives, but everybody’s, and everything around us, every single second of our existence.
 
In our household we live from Shabbat to Shabbat, as soon as Shabbat has come and left we start our schedule to prepare for the next Shabbat. This week we knew from the start that there would be numerous events that would take us out of our normal schedule, make things a challenge. So when I had the idea to prepare some dishes a day early, an idea that at the time seemed logical and a good idea, nothing strange, I had no clue as to what was going to happen a day later, and that what seemed "my idea" was instead Hashem’s loving, guiding hands all the way.
 
While starting some of the meal items a day earlier then normal, my thought process circled around “I”:  I am doing, I need to organize and plan, aaahh that’s where things really go wrong, as soon as we think we are doing anything other than what Hashem is doing through us we are sure to bump our head. In my case it was a pretty good bump, as I am, so to say, slightly stubborn, firmly set in (my schedule). Of course something had to happen to reveal Hashem’s guidance, showing me that I was not in control, and had to trust in nothing but the One!
 
Here we are, Wednesday, late afternoon, out for the groceries we will need throughout Shabbat. It is then that our daughter calls with the announcement that our refrigerator doesn’t work. Panic!! Panic first and then think is not an out of the ordinary way of thinking for me, and sometimes it actually aids the end result because it is in panic and stress we turn to Hashem. Or maybe that’s where I really stop thinking of how I can do things my way, and just function, which is really just letting Hashem work through me, and just be the vessel for Hashem. I knew that the next morning I would have to prepare meals, our dishes for Shabbat, but it was not until the next morning when a state of calm overcame me, and everything fell in place. There had been a whole line of events put in place, orchestrated by Hashem throughout the past week.
 
In our morning prayers we pray the "Akeida", that part of the Torah where Abraham goes up to sacrifice Yitzchak, a complete surrender to Hashem, a letting go of all wants and desires, a letting go of all ego and will of our own, nobody, nothing but Hashem is in control, at the final moment Abraham aveinu is at this point of complete surrender of himself to Hashem, It is then at this moment of complete surrender, subduing his own will and ego, that Hashem shows his loving, guiding hands, or is revealed, it was at this moment that the eyes were opened.
 
So here I was the next morning, waiting for the repairman to return with a new part, to replace the broken part, cooking put off till later. I could have easily pushed the issue and started cooking anyway, with the necessary anger over each and every inconvenience, after all every little ingredient I need is in the fridge next door, but for some reason I didn’t, which left me with nothing but time to think. It was then that I saw how perfectly Hashem had set up the whole line of events true out the week, miracle after miracle.
 
Two time consuming dishes were already prepared ahead of schedule. I’m stubborn, I don’t get off schedule, but there I was, two time consuming dishes already prepared.  That was Hashem’s hand all the way, the hindering in cooking is no problem at all, and not only that, the apartment next to us had come empty. They usually take a few months to get to it, this time they had immediately, painted, cleaned and put new carpet in within two weeks.  It crossed my mind several times at the time that this was odd.  They never do this so fast, it was Hashem all the way. There we are, broken fridge the needed part not available till the next day, and we can use the fridge next door to keep all our food from spoiling. Wow. That was not all, our daughter called us right as we were going from one store to the next: right before we would have gone to the store where we were going to buy a lot more items that had to go into the fridge, and just a little less than an hour before the apartment office closes.
 
Looking back on this tiny tribulation (all tribulations are tiny after the event) this was nothing but a line of events that were directly guided by Hashem.  Not only that, for weeks I had been struggling with exactly that issue, letting go of my silly ideas of what is perfect, or how it should be, or how I want things done, my schedule. In that state a millimeter off, is a mile off!  It was not until I was ready to let go of my stubborn ways of wanting to be in control that I saw the whole line of events as Hashem had directed it, showing me and hopefully others, if we let go and let Hashem guide us, its smooth sailing, the conflicts within us only arise when we resist what is, as soon as we let go of our own will, surrender our will, our ego, to Hashem’s will and guidance, that we see the whole picture, and it is there we are able to see the Miracles.