Never Say Never

Here is a small list of things I said I’d never do:
 
-I’ll never go out with that guy! (my husband)
-I’ll never become religious!
-I’ll never wear a tichel (scarf-like hair-cover) instead of a wig!
-I’ll never, ever move to Israel!
-I’ll never eat Halva!
 
And I was totally, absolutely, unwaveringly, dead serious about each and every one of them.
 
It just goes to show- Hashem always has the last laugh. Thinking about all of my “nevers” made me realize that there is no point in trying to control every aspect of my life. It is clear that Hashem had a plan for me that I would not have seen, had things gone the way my mother, I mean, “I” had expected them to.
 
If life had gone the way I had planned, who knows where I would be? Maybe I would be a several-times-over divorcee with a successful but unhappy career as a Radiologist. Maybe I would have been a stressed-out, anxiety-ridden mother who would have unwittingly passed along those traits and more to her kids. Maybe I would have no kids. Maybe I never would have gotten married yet, since my mother, I mean, “I” was very picky about potential future husbands.
 
I really don’t know.
 
But I do know this – everything that has manifested in my life has brought me happiness beyond my wildest dreams. I never could have imagined being the mother of four rambunctious and delicious boys. I never would have believed it if someone from the future had told me that I would be living as a Haredi Jew in Israel. Me? A religious stocking-wearing housewife instead of a successful doctor?! Never!
 
Look at your lives. How many times did you end up in a “never” situation, only to see that it was the best thing that you ever did? Have you ever thought about what would have been if things had gone according to your plans and expectations?
 
It’s a great way to develop your spiritual eyesight. Looking at how certain events in your life unfolded exactly the opposite of your expectations can clearly help you see that you are not as in control of your life as you think. There is Someone working behind the scenes, orchestrating every event in your life to create the best possible reality for you.
 
For example, one year I was desperate to get to California for Passover. I did everything I could to get myself there, but I felt like I was literally hitting a brick wall again and again. I couldn’t get the flight schedule to work for me, and it ended up being too expensive to fly. Finally, I gave up. I unwillingly admitted that maybe Hashem had a reason for making me stay in Miami.
 
Well, it turned out that He sure did. That Passover, I met my husband! Of course, I couldn’t stand him when we met, but things changed pretty quickly after that. If I were away, who knows how it would have turned out? Maybe I never would have met him. It’s hard for me to imagine the domino effect that I would be missing out on: if I hadn’t met him, we wouldn’t have gotten married, had kids, and moved to Israel. I wouldn’t have been writing for Breslev Israel and he wouldn’t have been their Program Director. Maybe either of us never would have heard of Rabbi Brody, Rav Arush, or Emuna (G-d forbid)! We could have completely missed our purposes in life!
 
But Hashem wouldn’t let that happen. Many people wonder if there is really free will, or is everything predetermined…I think of it like this: when we go through life, Hashem lays out the main highway for us to travel in order to meet our pre-destined goals, such as marital partner, career, and kids. However, along the way, we may take many detours and make wrong turns. We certainly get lost at times and have to ask directions in order to get back on the right path. However, each time we end up veering off the intended path, Hashem re-adjusts the spiritual GPS for us and gently guides us back on the right track.
 
He’s like that annoying GPS lady, saying, “Turn right…turn left…you have passed your destination….make a u-turn…” I can’t stand that lady. But of course, Hashem doesn’t do it in an annoying way. In fact, He’s so subtle that most of us don’t even realize that He’s guiding us.
 
In the course of my life, I have had too many detours to count. But Hashem was always there, with His satellite pointed at me, guiding me back in the right direction. Even when I stubbornly insisted that I would never travel in the direction He was trying to guide me (religious stocking-lady), He just re-adjusted the route in order to give me more time and highway until I eventually came around.
 
Whatever your goals are for the short-term or long-term future, never rule anything out, as long as it’s within reason. Sometimes the things you think you’ll never end up doing are exactly what will make you the happiest. I guess what I’m trying to say is this: you should definitely have goals in mind that will fulfill you spiritually and materially. Just be open to the goals that Hashem has planned for you as well. Many times He doesn’t make you aware of them until you’re further along the highway. The most important thing is to never, ever, say, “Never!” (And by the way, I hate it that I like Halva!)