Silent Anger and Emotional Revenge
Would you believe that silent anger is an effective murder weapon? I've seen people use silence as a mode of emotional revenge. Deliberately ignoring...
Ten Exemplary Levels from Total Anger to Total Tranquility
Level One: Overt Anger and Violent Revenge
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Level Two: Silent Anger and Emotional Revenge
Would you believe that silent anger is an effective murder weapon? I've seen people use silence as a mode of emotional revenge. Deliberately ignoring another person kills slower than a gun or a knife, but it's almost as effective. Often, the victim's life becomes unbearable, and if he/she doesn't die, he/she loses any semblance of emotional stability.
Many emotionally abused children suffer from Level-Two parents. One Level-Two father refused to talk to his son for six months, because the poor boy made an error in a little league baseball game. A Level-Two mother gave her sixth grade daughter the cold shoulder because the unfortunate little girl received a "B" in geography. "Any daughter of mine has to be a straight-A student." Such statements are common amongst Level-Two parents, who vent their anger and frustrations on their offspring.
Here's a classic Chassidic anecdote about the absurdity of Level-Two thinking, which uses silence as a means of retaliation.
Ruben the Shipwrecked Hermit
Ruben disappeared at sea. Thirty years later, voyagers found him on a deserted island. The island was bare except for a few palm trees, Ruben's modest cabin, and two exquisite mahogany synagogues. Other than a few monkeys and cockatoos, Ruben was the sole inhabitant of the island.
The visiting voyagers asked Ruben, "Who built those two magnificent synagogues?"
"I did," said Ruben proudly.
"What do you need two houses of worship for?" asked the voyagers.
"I got into an argument in the first synagogue, so I'm not on speaking terms with anyone there; that's why I had to build the second synagogue."
Level Two people – like shipwrecked Ruben – can't even get along with themselves. Therefore, they do quite irrational things. Ruben, at least, didn't harm anyone else. Level Two's, on the other hand, destroy their own lives as well as the lives of others in their proximity.
Bad character traits – such as anger – are not tantamount to spiritual illness; they are spiritual illness. – Rabbi Naftali Moskowitz, a.k.a. "The Melitzer Rebbe"
Level-One and -Two anger borders on mental illness. Unlike other mental illnesses, anger can be cured relatively easily, as we'll soon discover.
Test yourself by answering the following questions:
1. Do you ever willfully ignore a family member or friend?
2. Do you ever hang up the phone in the middle of a conversation?
3. Do you ever walk out of a meeting or leave the house in protest?
4. Do you interrupt others in the middle of a sentence and say, "I don't want to listen to you[1]"?
One affirmative answer indicates Level Two tendencies. Two "yes" answers show a strong tendency toward silent anger and emotional revenge, and three or more yes answers qualify as a full-fledged Level Two.
For your emotional health and happiness, you should familiarize yourself with the following emergency methods of dealing with Level-Two aggressors:
* If a Level Two refuses to speak to you, write him or her a conciliatory letter. Most Level Two's are curious enough to read your letter.
* Remember that Level Two's are spiritually and emotionally immature. Like pouting babies, they want you to run after them. Put your pride aside and appease the Level Two individual. In that way, you're giving the Level Two a chance to make a dignified descent from his or her high horse. Peacemaking is the quiet show of your strength.
* If a Level Two is refusing to speak to you, use a mutual friend as a third-party courier to convey your message. If the Level Two is your spouse, and you don't want to involve others in your domestic affairs, use a discreet clergyman who's well-versed in family counseling.
* As with Level One, kindness disorients and disarms a Level-Two individual.
* When you pity a Level Two, rather than hating him or her, you'll create a spiritual environment that will melt the freeze.
To be continued . . .
(The Trail to Tranquility is available in the Breslev Store.)
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[1] According to Jewish law, one is allowed to tell another person, "I don't want to listen to you," if the latter is speaking slander or gossip.
[1] According to Jewish law, one is allowed to tell another person, "I don't want to listen to you," if the latter is speaking slander or gossip.
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