The Radiance of Her Soul
Rebbe Nachman teaches that a man's money comes through the radiance of his wife's soul, through the shining and expansion of the 'lights' of her soul.
The Garden of Riches, Part 10
The Radiance of a Woman’s Soul
A person’s livelihood is drawn down from Above through the light of a woman’s soul, as Rebbe Nachman writes (Likutei Moharan 69):
A person’s money mainly comes through a person’s spouse (see Zohar Tazriya 52). This means that a man’s money comes through the radiance of his wife’s soul, in other words, through the shining and expansion of the ‘lights’ of her soul, and these ‘lights’ have the aspect of money, for money comes from the place of the nefesh (as explained elsewhere), and the nefesh is the feminine aspect of the soul, as is known from the writings of the Ari.
In other words, when a woman is content and satisfied, her soul expands, so to speak, and, as a result, her husband is able to draw down a plentiful livelihood. Therefore, there is no greater mistake than constricting one’s wife’s soul through arguing with her over expenditures, preventing her from purchasing things, and giving her the feeling that she cannot use the money as she wishes, to buy with it what she wants. The moment a woman feels choked and constricted, the radiance of her soul is also constricted, and as a result a person’s livelihood is constricted.
It is clear from the above that when a man argues with his wife over money he is simply cutting off his nose to spite his face. Because he wants to save a few a pennies, he ends up losing thousands. He constricts the radiance of his wife’s soul, and as a result he loses his livelihood, since a man’s livelihood comes from the radiance of his wife’s soul. If a man is encountering difficulties in paying the bills, limiting his wife – even if it means saving thousands of dollars – is not the solution. It will only make the problem worse.
The only choice is to be a real man and take whatever steps are necessary to earn a living. These steps include turning to God, crying out to God and repenting for one’s transgressions, in addition to hard work. After all, a man is obligated to support his wife, to buy her presents and to give her spending money. If a man supports his wife properly, his wife’s soul, so to speak, expands, and that expansion brings down a bountiful livelihood from Above.
Don’t Be Petty
When a man gets into an argument with his wife because he thinks she’s wasting his hard-earned money, even if he thinks that she’s wasting thousands of dollars, he is behaving like a person wallowing in debt. Why? Because when a person is in debt, he behaves with “Mochin d’katnut,” small mindedness. Even a husband who makes petty calculations about how his wife spends money is behaving as if that is what will solve his financial problems. He is being small minded, or petty. He is unable to elevate himself above these petty calculations to get to the source of his livelihood, which is the Creator Himself. The Creator commanded him to provide for his wife and to honor and respect her.
To fulfill his obligation to provide for his wife and honor and respect her, a husband is required to elevate his wife, so that she should be living within the aspect of “mochin d’gadlut,” expansiveness. He should be happy to provide his wife with whatever she wants or needs and give her the positive feeling that she can do with the family’s money as she wishes. He should fully believe that in the merit of being generous and giving wholeheartedly, God will open His hands and provide him and his family with a bountiful livelihood, and then, of course, he will have additional money to give to his wife.
Forget About Money
From the moment a husband gives his wife money, he should not bother about what she does with it. He certainly must never question her about how she spends the money he gives her, or argue with her about money. He is required to support her, and she is allowed to do with the money her husband gives her whatever her heart desires. And if he does not have enough to fulfill her needs, he should be a man of valor and do whatever needs to be done to provide for his wife properly. As I wrote above, this is solely the husband’s problem. Once a man marries, he is obligated to support his wife. Since it’s his obligation, it is within his ability to do so.
To be continued.
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