Exercise 4: Free Choice for the Past (Part 2)

This is the most important Exercise! Continue it for more than one week! 

Don't jump into it – you cannot properly understand this Exercise until you really understand the first three exercises. But know, that the reason why people fall into despair, why people give up on themselves, why people think they are wicked or without any possibility to return from where they have fallen – is because they don't understand the truth I will explain to you now. 

 
First, here is another important rule – what is called "good" and what is called "bad." “Bad” is something that distances me from Hashem. "Good" is something that brings me closer to Hashem. 

Once you understand this, it is easy to understand how to do teshuva from love: Hashem doesn’t hate me and He understands my situation, there is no One but Hashem. I made the wrong choices because I didn’t pray enough. So now that I made this mistake, I am going to use this experience to want to get closer to Hashem even more! To remind myself just how much I need to pray over this issue, specifically because it isn't coming so easy to me! 

 
Therefore, that sin ended up bringing you closer to Hashem, that sin pushed you to pray with even more desire to fix the sin once and for all? Then it ends up being GOOD, it brought you closer to Hashem – and anything that brings you closer to Hashem is a mitzvah and you get merit for it! Now, you understand why the Gemara says that someone who returns to Hashem with love, his sins turn into merits! 

Understand that you CANNOT under any circumstances sin in order to try to then turn it around. But we all do our best and anyway we sin, and when that happens, then we apply this teaching to remain happy, and strengthen ourselves to pray even harder – and turn everything around for the good, and the sins becomes merits. 

And now we can understand what Rebbe Nachman said, “Even if I did the worst sin, I would simply do teshuva and still be happy.” Because Rebbe Nachman knew that Hashem loves him, all he has to do is accept what happened with love, do teshuva and pray harder! 

Live this truth every day! You won’t stop sinning in one day. You’ll still fall and make mistakes. If you don’t understand that, you’ll fall into despair. Your sins must increase your desire to return to Hashem!  
 
There is no despair – just do teshuva. It doesn’t matter how many times you fall. You must LIVE the belief that Hashem loves me!!