Stinginess

 

Part 1 – Sadness

Part 2 – Anger

Part 3 – Jealousy

 

 

 

Stinginess is a terrible trait and a sign of cruelty. The stingy person’s love of money blinds him from seeing the needs of his fellow man, even those closest to him, such as his wife and children. Therefore, a stingy person is disdained by others and seldom has peace at home.

 

There are several types of misers:

 

* Stingy with outsiders but generous with his own family;

* Stingy with his own family and generous with outsiders – these are the types that give charity for prestige and publicity;

* Stingy with everyone but lavish with himself;

* Stingy with everyone including himself – these are the types that hoard their money, and end up losing it or leaving it to others.

 

 

One of the most tragic examples of stinginess is that of the stingy husband. Stinginess is a double expression of cruelty and insensitivity. The stingy husband is cruel to his wife and children and insensitive to their needs and feelings; every household expenditure triggers his wrath.

 

There’s no greater sorrow to a wife then a stingy husband. According to Kabbala, the health of a wife’s soul depends on the abundance that her husband showers upon her. When the husband is poor, and lacks the means to provide his wife with plenty, she is saddened. But, when he has the means, and still doesn’t give to her, she withers like a plant that’s not watered. Even worse, when he says no to her needs, yet turns around and buys whatever amenities he desires for himself, she becomes his bitter enemy.

 

The Talmud teaches (tractate Bava Metzia 59a) that whoever honors his wife gets rich. If a man were smart, he’d cherish his wife, buy her whatever he can, and never criticize her about her expenditures. Just as honoring his wife brings him riches, being angry at her causes him to lose money.

 

Our Sages also teach (Hulin 84b) that a man should forever eat and drink less than what he can afford, dress according to what he can afford, and to honor his wife more than what he can afford. This is the only mitzvah in the Torah that requires a person to spend more than what he has. Even for a mitzvah as important as honoring the Sabbath, the Gemorra says to avoid buying lavish food and drink if it means borrowing from others (Pesachim 112a)!

 

If a person can’t afford to buy what his wife wants, then he should make a concerted effort to pray and ask Hashem to help him meet his wife’s needs and to make her happy. If a man prays for his wife’s happiness like he would pray for his own health, then Hashem will surely give him the ways and means to satisfy her.

 

If a wife makes a request from a husband, and he doesn’t have the means to fulfill that request, he should never say no. Instead, he should promise her that with Hashem’s help, he’ll make every effort to fulfill her request as soon as he possibly can. The husband should complement his own efforts with prayer – the more the better. When Hashem sees that a person is sincere in his desire to honor his wife, Hashem will answer his prayers.

 

 

One of two things happens to money: Either the money is taken away from the person, or the person is taken away from the money. Therefore, one can’t depend on one’s money. We all know stories of rich people who ended up dying a pauper’s deaths; after spending a lifetime accumulating money, they lost it. On the other hand, there are many cases of rich people who became so sick that they couldn’t enjoy their money, and ultimately left this world and their money. A popular Hebrew expression laughs at those who sacrifice their health in search of money, then end up sacrificing their money in search of health. Either way, the money doesn’t last.

 

 

A person with emuna believes that Hashem will provide all the basic necessities required in our service to Him – food, clothing, shelter, and the like. With emuna, we realize that as long as Hashem wants us to continue living on this earth, Hashem will pick up the tab for every needed expense. Hashem is the boss that provides a complete expense account.

 

 

A person with emuna also believes that just as Hashem provides for his needs today, Hashem shall continue to provide tomorrow. Therefore, he uses the money that Hashem gives him, especially in the service of Hashem. With emuna, a person realizes that Hashem gave him money to educate his children in Torah schools, to purchase a handsome pair of tefillin, and to buy his wife a new outfit for the holiday. Hashem doesn’t send money to hoard in the bank. With emuna, a person isn’t afraid to put his hand in his pocket for a necessary expenditure and especially for a mitzvah such as charity, supporting Torah institutions, and Jewish outreach.

 

Without emuna, a person suffers every time he spends a cent.

 

Hashem, like a loving father, derives indescribable pleasure when His children spend money happily, such as when they enjoy lavish delicacies on Shabbat or when they build an exquisitely decorated Succa. When Hashem sees that His children trust in Him, and spend their money happily in the observance of His mitzvot, He gives more and more. But, if Hashem sees that his children suffer every time they spend a cent, He is also disappointed.

 

 

Expenditures for mitzvot are in effect "deductible" expenses. Our Sages teach that even though one receives an annual allotment, expenditures for Shabbat, holidays, and Torah education for our children are above and beyond one’s annual allotment. Mitzvah expenditures are like milking a cow – the more you milk her, the more you get. As such, Hashem returns the money that we spend on mitzvot.

 

Even more so, the Talmud teaches (tractate Shabbat 119a) that one who gives a tithe to charity will become rich. Hashem has compassion on those who have compassion on others.

 

 

The person with emuna understands that his money is basically not his at all, but Hashem’s; Hashem lets us invest the money in a way that earns dividends. For example, if Hashem gives a person money, and that person converts the money into mitzvot and Torah learning, then the money becomes elevated from a material state to a spiritual state. Hashem considers that a wonderful use of the money, and is happy to give more money to such a loyal trustee who knows how to invest properly.

 

Hashem gets no satisfaction from the stingy person that hoards money and fails to put it to use; He also is disappointed when someone squanders money on frills or uses money to violate the Torah’s commandments.

 

A poor person once came to the famed 18^th century Chassidic master, Rebbe Avraham Yehoshua Heschel of Afta, known affectionately as "The Afta Rov." The poor man needed a dowry to marry off his lovely daughter who had come of age, but didn’t have a cent to his name. He asked the rebbe for help; the rebbe wrote a personal note, sealed it in an envelope, and told the poor man to take it to a certain rich man in the big city.

 

The poor man arrived at the rich man’s mansion, and presented the rebbe’s letter to him. The rich man read the letter, frowned, snarled, and then ripped the letter up. "Who does that rebbe think he is? What gall! I barely ever heard of him, and he has the nerve to send you here and demand three thousand rubles! Since when does he have the right to put his hand into my pocket?!? Where does he get off thinking that I have to listen to him?"

 

Humiliated and degraded, the poor man left the rich man’s mansion empty-handed. He returned to Afta, and told the rebbe about his unsuccessful journey to the big city. The rebbe sighed deeply and said, "Go see Avremel – he’s a pupil of mine that lives in a thatch-roofed cabin on the edge of town. Tell him that I said to give you five hundred rubles." Five hundred was much less than three thousand, but to Avremel – a pious but poor Talmudic scholar – five hundred rubles was like five million rubles to the rich man.

 

The poor man found Avremel’s cabin and relayed the rebbe’s request. Avremel quickly put on his frayed gabardine and said happily, "Certainly, my friend. You sit here and rest from your journey. My wife will give you food and drink. I’ll be back in an hour or two." Avremel exchanged a few quiet words with his wife. Smiling, she took all her jewelry and silver ornaments and put them in a cloth rucksack. She blessed her husband with success and he left the house in the direction of the center of town.

 

Avremel pawned his wife’s jewelry, his chanuka candelabra, his silver heirloom Kiddush cup, his silver snuff box and his wife’s silver candlesticks. All in all, he put together a sum of 320 rubles. He then ran from merchant to merchant, telling them that he needed an urgent sum for a poor man to marry off his daughter. In an hour, he raised the additional 180 rubles. With joy in his heart, he raced home to present the poor man with the 500 rubles.

 

Everyone was delighted. The poor man blessed and hugged Avremel, and profusely thanked his wife. Avremel and his wife praised Hashem for enabling them to perform such a lofty mitzvah.

 

During the subsequent months, Avremel’s luck took a sharp turn for the better. Inexplicably, good investments were literally forced on him. He began earning more money than he ever dreamed of, even though he barely picked his head up from his Talmudic studies. Before long, he became one of the richest men in the area.

 

The rich man from the big city wasn’t so fortunate – his dealings plummeted, until he lost nearly everything he owned. Intuitively, his wife made the connection between her husband’s misfortune and his refusal to heed the Rebbe from Afta. She urged her husband to go immediately to Afta and beg the rebbe’s forgiveness. So he did…

 

The former rich man was ushered in to the rebbe. "Rebbe, please forgive me for my insolence!" the man cried pitifully.

 

"What insolence?" asked the Rebbe.

 

"The fact that I ridiculed the Rebbe’s word, and refused to help the poor man as the Rebbe requested."

 

"Aha," nodded the rebbe. "There’s nothing to forgive. You were given a task to do and you failed."

 

"How so?" asked the man.

 

"Let me explain," said the Rebbe. "My soul was destined to descend to this world as a rich man. I appealed before the Heavenly throne that riches will only distract me from devoting my life to Torah learning and the service of Hashem. My appeal was accepted on condition that I find another soul that would be willing to be a trustee over my riches. I appointed you. Your riches were actually mine, given to you for safe-keeping. So, when I asked that you give the poor man the three thousand rubles to comfortably marry off his daughter, I was asking for my own money. Your refusal showed that you were no longer a reliable trustee for my money, so you lost it. My pupil Avremel became the trustee instead of you."

 

"Rebbe, please take pity on my," cried the former rich man. "Please arrange for me a minimal stipend so that my wife and I won’t starve to death!"

 

Avremel was more than happy to obey the Rebbe’s request to send a monthly allotment to the former rich man from the big city. "After all," Avremel told himself, "The money’s not mine – I’m only a trustee anyway!"

 

 

Stinginess is a direct result from a deficiency of emuna. Emuna is the only way to uproot anger, sadness, depression, and jealousy as well. In like manner, emuna has the power to overcome any negative character or behavioral trait. Here’s how in a nutshell:

Arrogance: With emuna, a person can’t be arrogant, since he knows that all of his successes come from Hashem.

Gluttony: With emuna that Hashem sustains, a person doesn’t eat any more than he or she needs.

Trust: With emuna, a person has the confidence that Hashem will always provide.

Flattery: With emuna, one need not fear or flatter any other human being in the world, no matter how seemingly powerful or influential that person may be.

Slander: With emuna, one doesn’t say a bad word about any other person. He or she leaves judging other people to Hashem.

Argumentative: When a person believes that all his or her trials and tribulations come from Hashem, he or she doesn’t waste energy on arguments and disputes.

Patience: A person with emuna has patience with himself and with others, for he knows that everything in the world goes in accordance with Divine Providence and Hashem’s timetable.

 

This chapter has been the foundation for personal character development and improvement. The underlying principles that we discussed at length in regard to sadness, anger, jealousy, and stinginess are capable of helping a person overcome any other negative trait. Once free of negative emotions, we begin to live sweet and fulfilling lives, in this world and in the next.

 

 

To be continued…