Candid Self-Observation

The capacity for honest self-observation is an essential skill for anybody who is interested in personal growth. The ability to self-observe is being able to monitor one’s true thoughts, feelings, desires and intentions. This usually requires us to ask ourselves some tough questions as we go through our daily routine. For example: “How will decision ‘x’ affect my relationship with my wife and children?” “What does it mean that I’m starting to spend so much time with person ‘x’ all of a sudden?” “I have a strong urge to quit this job right now. What’s really motivating me to make such a rash move?”
 
When a person is not observing himself sufficiently and his life starts going off tract, G-d will step in and help the person to look more closely at his actions.
 
John decided to quit his job and start up a new business with his mother. He used all of his money for the venture and after working hard at it for more than a year the business the “failed.” At that time, John’s wife told him that she wanted a divorce. This shocked John to the depths of his being. He suddenly “woke up” and realized that aside from depleting his financial resources that he had essentially ignored his wife and family for a very long time. John’s wife was a quiet, hard-working person who hardly complained, but by this time she had had it and wanted to end their marriage.
 
It was 2AM and John couldn’t sleep. He paced back and forth and was crying uncontrollably. He noticed his copy of the Garden of Peace on the shelf (Rabbi Arush’s classic work on how to have a great marriage).  Composing himself a bit, John took the book down and started to re-read it. As he read, John applied what he was reading to himself. He began to become much more aware of all the mistakes that he had made in the last year; mistakes that were about to cost him his wife and family.  As if he were emerging from a thick fog, John suddenly realized that he needed to find a job and he needed it quickly. This wouldn’t be easy though, because John’s area of training was very specific and there were not many positions available.
 
John apologized profusely to his wife and told her that he would do everything in his power to correct his mistakes and learn from them for the future. His wife was hardly convinced.
 
Nevertheless, John said a short prayer and sat down at the computer. Literally within moments he noticed that a position was available. In fact it looked like the perfect position for him; and he had “found” it just in time. He only had until the end of the morning to submit his application and resume. John sent the information in with faith that G-d would certainly deliver him from his troubles.
 
We don’t yet know if John is going to get that particular position, but something else interesting happened in the interim. John entered a contest that was sponsored by his profession. The winner of the contest was to receive a large cash reward. John submitted his research hoping to win the prize. He waited anxiously hoping for good news but alas, he received a letter that his application was rejected. He was disqualified from the competition.
 
John went back to the basics of emuna that he had learned. He said: “This too is coming from G-d and is certainly for my very best.” He thanked G-d for the difficulty and hoped with all of his heart that by accepting G-d’s will his wife would have a change of heart.
 
Two weeks passed and John was out of town when he noticed that he had received an email from the committee that had disqualified him from the competition. Curious, John opened the email and couldn’t belief his eyes. The message was to inform him that he won first prize in the competition.
 
In the interim, the head of the committee who had disqualified John’s research had been replaced by someone else. The new person reviewed all of the research that was submitted, not just the proposals that had been approved by his predecessor, and he liked John’s work the best! John got the money and he got his wife back too. They just had the greatest Shabbat of their lives!