The Talking Cure

No matter where we are currently “stuck” in our lives, or how long we’ve been stuck in unhealthy, dysfunctional patterns, every single one of us still has times, even if they are only moments, when we aren’t being dominated by our outdated decisions and patterns. These are what I like to call our “bright moments.” They happen when we feel close to G-d; and our soul has access to its power; and we are doing exactly what G-d wants us to be doing; and we have G-d’s light on us; and we’re thinking clearly and making good decisions; and saying all the right things; and everything is going great for us. At those moments, we can feel very confident and good about ourselves, and we can recognize our inherent goodness and G-d-given talents.

We need to try and find a way to recapture those moments, when our good points are manifest, and we really feel we are living up to our potential. Often, it’s so fleeting that we ourselves don’t recognize what’s going on. For a moment, we’re suddenly relating and listening to our child perfectly. For a moment, we’re easily solving a very big problem that we’ve had for ages, and we’re not getting tangled up in knots. We all have these moments of light and enlightenment. We need to know what they are and when they happen, so we can try to do them more often.

We all have to know our own greatness; in some way, each of us is “superior” to our peers. How do I know this? Because Rabbi Nachman says so! He teaches that there is something that each of us can do “better” than anyone else, and that we need to look for what it is and identify it in ourselves. 

So how can we get “out” from behind our problems, fears and doubts, to find our own inner resources and hidden strengths? First, we have to know how the Evil One is operating to subvert our decision-making process. We have to learn that the Evil One thrives on secrecy, and lives in that world of silence and darkness, deep in the human mind. He thrives on sneaking into our unconscious minds, and making us think and act automatically, in ways that are going to sabotage us and our happiness. But when we talk to G-d out loud, which is our unique characteristic as human beings, then whatever is inside, secret, and hidden from our awareness, comes out of the darkness and into the light.

When you talk to G-d every day, you suddenly become much more aware of the irrational, illogical and destructive thoughts that the Evil One is continually sending into your mind. Those dark, negative thoughts come out in the open, maybe for the first time ever, and when they hit the light of day, they shrink. Again, I’m going to repeat this as it’s such an important point to remember: negative thoughts thrive in mental darkness and silence. When we speak them out, we bring them into the light, and then very quickly, our big problems start to disappear or resolve, and we can see the truth.

Many people don’t realize this, particularly men, but speaking is actually an inherently pleasurable, satisfying and fulfilling experience. For years, I couldn’t quite work out why I stayed on the couch and spoke to my therapist for nine long years of classical Freudian analysis (although I should mention here that nine years is not considered particularly long in psychoanalytic circles. I had colleagues who were proud to have been in analysis for 20 years or more…) But what keeps a person on that couch, speaking to an analyst who is only half-listening and who may even be falling asleep? The answer came to me after I started to read Rabbi Arush’s books, and to listen to Rabbi Brody’s CDs about personal prayer and talking to G-d. We stay on the couch so long, because it feels so good to talk!

Freud called his treatment “the talking cure”. When people come to an analyst, they are encouraged to “free associate” and just say whatever they want. There’s an understanding that we have permission to let it all out, and express ourselves freely, because we are trying to “cure” the problem here, so we are allowed to say whatever we want. For some people, therapy may be the first time they ever got to finish a sentence in their lives; or the first time they got to express their own opinions without having to cater to the preferences of other people; or the first time they really, honestly expressed what they were feeling and thinking. And it can feel so good!

But when a person starts talking to G-d instead of an analyst, it feels even better. You don’t have to worry about shocking anyone, or embarrassing yourself. You don’t need to think about being judged unfavorably, or letting your guard down in front of someone who may or may not be that trustworthy. You don’t have to keep any secrets in order to try and look good, because G-d already knows everything anyway! Our job is just to bring all those dark thoughts out into the light, and to put them all on the table. That’s how we achieve true inner peace, and true unity with the Almighty.