I Can’t Handle This

Each of us has a certain situation in our lives that feels like a knife poking an open wound. Depending on the day, sometimes that knife doesn’t move so much, and we’re not so aware of the fact that we’re continuously bleeding from that wound. Other days, the knife is not only poking us; it’s twisting and turning as it makes the wound bigger and bleed more. It’s torturing us, and we don’t know when or if it will ever stop.

 

It could be a challenging kid, an impossible spouse, a never-ending problem with making ends meet, a chronic health issue, or all of the above. Or worse, a nagging mother-in-law who can’t keep her opinion to herself. (Just kidding!)

 

Thank G-d I don’t have that last problem. Actually, I couldn’t ask for better in-laws. Love you, Mom and Dad!!

 

Now that I’ve scored some major brownie points and hopefully a nice birthday gift, I’d like to focus on the problems that won’t seem to go away.

 

But it’s more than that. These problems aren’t just annoying like that friend who won’t get the hint that the party’s over, the DJ went home, and the caterer finished cleaning up the party hall.

 

These problems hurt. They hurt so bad that they make us think one thing: I just can’t handle this.

 

This is a very sad and scary place to be. It creates a feeling of helplessness, of resignation to the fact that the problem might never go away. It creates a feeling of “am I going to suffer for the rest of my life with this problem?” There is no obvious light at the end of the tunnel.

 

If we all had real emuna, we’d thank Hashem for these chronic problems with no apparent solution because we’d believe they’re all for our best.

 

But since most of us aren’t Rav Arush, what can we do, if anything, to help make the situation more tolerable? And is it even possible or fair to hope for a change or resolution?

 

Well, here are a few thoughts.

 

First, we should work on internalizing something we already know: If Hashem gave us a challenge, it’s because He knows we can handle it.

 

But there’s a caveat that most of us don’t think about. I’ll rephrase that quote to make it slightly more accurate:

 

If Hashem gave us a challenge, it’s because He knows we can handle it – with His help.

 

There are three basic levels we can go through when facing a chronic challenge that may be unchangeable. First, we can do our best to deny or ignore it. Second, we can try to deal with the fact that things will likely never change, but we may be at the point of barely keeping it together mentally. Third, if we activate our higher awareness, we may realize that Hashem is speaking to us through this challenge.

 

If we’re lucky enough to get to that third level, we have a chance at dealing with it, maybe even accepting it, without having to lose our minds from despair. Aside from trying to find the many messages Hashem is sending us through these types of challenges, I think one of the key things to dealing with them is to realize that our only option to maintain our sanity is to ask Hashem to help us.

 

If we insist on dealing with it ourselves, the road to depression is very short indeed.

 

Once we’ve involved Hashem in the solution, our next step is to try to find those hidden, yet obvious messages He’s sending us. For example, maybe we need to work on our patience? I know that this is one clear message Hashem is sending me through one kid in particular.

 

Yes, I need to work on my patience. But! If I try to convince myself that I suddenly have more patience, that lie lasts about two seconds before I react to his provocations.

 

However, if I do whatever is in my power to do, whether meet with a therapist or get him special help or both, PLUS ask Hashem to help me, now I am more able to properly deal with the challenge.

 

It’s unfortunate, but many times the only way for Hashem to bring out the best in us is to force it out through difficult situations. It’s also the best way we grow.

 

So stay strong. You have Hashem on your side. And with His help, you will not fail!