Set an Example

Who is guilty? 

One man is carrying a jug. He is walking along a path and trips. The jug breaks. Behind him is someone who is also carrying a jug. He trips over the man in front of him and his jug breaks as well.  

The first person who fell is the culprit.  

We are forbidden to place a stumbling block before the blind. In some cases, we are the stumbling block. If you fall to the ground, you cannot stay there. Somebody else can trip over you.  

It’s not a matter of if you will fall, but when. King Solomon tells us in Proverbs: The righteous fall seven times (Mishlei 24:16). 

They are not righteous because they fall – everybody falls. What makes them righteous is that they get back up every time. The Tanya states that a rasha, or evil person, isn’t bad because he chooses to be bad, rather, he has simply given up on being good.  

We are all tested with the thrill of evil speech. We are all tempted with the taste of forbidden desire. All of us are tested with sleeping in an extra hour or watching another episode of something frivolous. We are all tempted with setting an example before everyone who sees us that doing these things is acceptable behavior.  

That’s what makes us a stumbling block. We fall down. Other see us comfortable kissing the pavement. They decide that since others in the room have lowered standards, it’s okay for them to be complacent.  

Like the first person who fell over and broke the jug, he is responsible for everyone who trips on the mess.  

It Works Both Ways 

Nobody ever bothers me when I am eating a donut.  

It’s only when I break out the salad do others make jokes. The donut doesn’t bother them – the cucumbers do. Any time we try to improve ourselves, the people around us who don’t want to make the effort will try to pull us down. Only after a while of seeing our results will they decide that they have to keep up.  

We can make a difference in other people’s lives by always working to make a difference in ours.  

That’s why we have to win every battle. Our world is watching our behavior.  

If we have a kippa on our head and we watch low class dribble on YouTube – that becomes a license to everyone around us to do the same. Their Evil Inclination starts to whisper: If the man of G-d is doing it, obviously G-d doesn’t have a problem with it, does He? 

If we are dressed modestly and we exert ourselves never to talk gossip, speak negatively about others, and always judge people favorably, we are demanding that everyone around us do the same.  

This is the essence of what Kiddush Hashem (sanctifying G-d’s name) and Chillul Hashem (desecrating Hashem’s name) is all about. We are the Nation of G-d, and therefore, we represent him. Like everything in holiness, there is no zero. Kiddush Hashem is the great reward for those modeling Godliness and righteousness to others. They are exerting effort to do the right thing, and they are bringing the world up along with them. On the flip side, Chillul Hashem is one of the worst sins possible, and one which often has no rectification, specifically because you cheapened God’s name. Not only did you sin and blemish the world, but now others will do the same since they look up to you – and you failed. 

In the age of social media, these concepts take on exponential consequences. It used to be hard to  do  Chillul  Hashem  b’rabim – desecrate Hashem’s name in public. Who saw you make that mistake? At most a village or small community. That was bad enough! Now, everything you do is recorded and posted. That offhand comment you made about someone else can get shared by your co-worker or friend, and hundreds, even thousands of people might know about it in minutes…  

What Happens When We Fall Down? 

We will fall. We will fall from where we are holding and others will see us.  

We will try to take a step forward and wind up swaggering three steps back. Others will see us.  

What happens then? 

That’s where we have to get back up. It will be humiliating to hear our circle say things like, “This again? Can’t you get it that it’s not possible? Why are you annoying everyone with your sanctimonious nonsense?” 

All the more reason to keep trying. Even as you get called a sheer hypocrite for it. Even as you work on yourself and only get seen for the one or two times you didn’t meet the standard.  

Others see your determination. The fact that you fell and kept at it until you stopped falling, also registers into people’s subconscious.  

At every moment, we can be a beacon of light for others to follow in the right direction, or we can be a pothole in the road, tripping people up.  

Others are watching you. #GoodLivesMatter! Every action you perform makes a difference in the world.  

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David Ben Horin lives in Israel with his wife and children.